Establishing new patterns
I set a boundary today. Well, I revisited a boundary—one I’ve set before but sometimes struggle to hold firm. I’ve been here before. Those nerves moving through my body felt all too familiar, reminding me of past vulnerabilities, the kind that left me raw and exposed after painful experiences.
So when this situation presented itself, I thought back to the past versions of myself and asked, “How do I need to show up for her? What can I do differently now, that I couldn’t do then?” And it became clear to me: setting boundaries is the kind of opportunity we can use to show up for ourselves again and again, even when the past still lingers in our bodies.
It’s about creating something new. We offer ourselves a corrective experience—a moment to rewrite the script . .. And while it didn’t feel comfortable in the moment, it definitely felt right. Growth isn’t always about feeling good; it’s about being honest and showing up for ourselves in ways we didn’t think we could before.
At first, I hesitated, unsure of how my words would land. I tiptoed around my needs—carefully, nervously, like stepping on eggshells. My mind was racing: What will happen if I say no? What if this makes things weird? It’s sticky territory—navigating moments where I feel the urge to please and avoid discomfort.
In psychotherapy, we call this a protective mechanism. All behaviors serve a purpose, whether we like it or not. The way my nervous system responds in moments like these is a way to shield me from rejection. . from potential pain. When we operate from fear of disconnection or rejection, we create an environment of scarcity for us to exist in. But here’s the thing: as beings who evolve, we eventually outgrow the spaces that no longer serves us.
So, why did I just share this anecdote? Well, this is the moral of the story: A lot of us are doing the work. We’ve put in the time to reprogram those old patterns—replacing them with clarity, confidence, and the belief that our needs are valid. The permission we’re looking for? It comes from us. We no longer have to fawn or shrink in moments that call for boundaries.
Setting boundaries isn’t a threat—it’s a powerful act of self-respect that strengthens our connections and keeps our best interests in mind.
If any of this resonates with you, I invite you to pause and reflect with me. Take some time to sit, journal, and explore the space you’re ready to create for yourself. A space rooted in safety, security, truth, and respect for your well-being and needs. Reflect on how you can honor yourself in a way that allows you to move forward, setting new patterns in the name of your own growth.
What happens when we shift to a place of safety, where we can actually see new options?
• What does it look like to give myself what I need in moments of fear?
• How can I see setting a boundary not as a threat, but as a chance to reset the script and create a new pattern?
• What practices or reminders do I need to engage in to help trust myself to make choices that align with my needs, even when it feels uncomfortable?
Today was proof: we don’t have to live in the past, on autopilot. We can be as creative with our wellness as we are with anything else in life. Every moment of doubt or fear is simply an opportunity to come back to your center, to realign with what you need and value.
And honestly? That’s the kind of energy I want to keep bringing into my relationships—with myself and others.
